Tag: Communication

The Fearful Art of Negotiation

On By Mona SabahIn Business, Communication, conflict, Human Resources, Management, women

According to Wikipedia and also the Merriam Webster dictionary, the word Negotiation comes to us from the Latin “Neg” = no (or negative) and “otsia” which means “leisure” or “free time.” The meaning was that businessmen had no free time for nonsense. I speak Spanish fluently and know that “negocio” is the Spanish term for “business!” So that is what the old world verbiage for denoting a businessman or woman.

I think it’s important to know where words come from and I spend a lot of time figuring out word origins – maybe it’s because English was actually the 3rd language I learned! 🙂

When you think of the term “Negotiation” in light of the definition, it shouldn’t seem too scary. YET, many business colleges and also Inc magazine, Forbes magazine and Harvard Business say that negotiations is one of the key skills many college students are missing and are fearful of.

So why is that?

The answer may be found in another word “Fear.”

Fear can come from many different places. For the women I have spoken to over the past, their fear simply lies in the lack of perception or abilities. They were never taught how to handle business without letting emotions get in the way. For me, that was NEVER the case! 🙂 Easterners learn that if you don’t haggle over every single thing in your life, you haven’t done your work. It’s not personal… in fact, it’s a big game to see who wins the most.

My dad taught me how to haggle at the markets when I was a young girl growing up in the Middle East. Haggling by men and by women is simply an expectation. If you pay full price for something, they look at you weird because you are not playing the game with them. When I moved to the United States, I was surprised to find out that some people have never haggled over the price of their automobile, their home, at garage sales or flea markets! 

My friends started taking me with them so that I could help train them the way I had been trained. Haggling is not rude. Haggling involves not being emotionally connected to whatever it is you were buying. So, how does that principle apply to the workplace?

There are many missed opportunities for negotiations. Not just in determining your salary but also your job opportunities. There are opportunities for negotiations in conflict resolution and also peace-making. There are Diplomats who work for Foreign Affairs who do this for a living! It takes some preparation (yes, you have to do your homework) and also knowledge of what you want (=goal) and what the other person may want (= realistic outcome). ASKING for what you want is 50% of the battle! Once you get that out there, it actually doesn’t take much more to get to the outcome. However, a part of the realistic outcome is being able to accept the answer “NO.”

What are some fears we need to address?

First is the Fear of Rejection – What if they don’t like me? What if they say NO?

If they say no, it’s not the end of the world. I tell my kids that the answer is already no, so if you ask, you have more of an opportunity to hear a yes! It’s the glass half-full vs half-empty. If you don’t even ask, there is zero opportunity to find out if you can or cannot do something or have something. When I worked at Campbell Soup, I was miserable in my entry level position (I had been there for a year and did not care for the redundant job). When a supervisor position opened up, I jumped at the opportunity to apply. I didn’t even get an interview for this internal position! I asked the head of HR what happened and they told me I didn’t qualify. So, I asked what I needed to do to qualify. He sent me to get some supervisory skills training, which I got done quickly. Another position came up. This time, I applied and got an interview, but did not get the position. I went to the hiring manager of the department and told him that I had applied for a position twice now and was obviously not qualified. I asked him what I needed to do and then I spent another 6 months gaining those skills. Guess what? The next time the position opened, I applied and got it. Then the next, then the next. The manager told me that none of the others who had been turned down asked him how to improve themselves or what they wanted.

You will get rejected. Get over it. It’s not the end of the world.

The second big fear is getting emotional (or anxious, or insecure, or afraid).

When you think of negotiations as business, it should take the scare factor out. Much of anxiety or insecurity comes from a lack of preparation. When negotiating salary, there needs to be research done. Present the facts. There shouldn’t be an emotional appeal or need to get upset or even angry at the other person. Dealing in business is about money and money is math. If you can present the facts in terms of numbers, you can negotiate anything – from garage sales to your salary!

Think about it. The bottom line in negotiations is win-win. The other person should have some stake in it as well. It’s not about steam-rolling the other person down with your skills – I don’t like negotiations like that. They should be respectful but firm. You need to clearly state your case. What is it you want and why? What’s in it for the other person? By the way, you are not the first (or last) person who will ask for these things. If the initial answer is no, try again. Try to ask questions as to what are they looking for?

Another recommendation is to practice negotiations. You can do a role play with a friend (if it is something you want to buy, like a car), or better yet, real life situations like garage sales. These people don’t know you. Chances are they will never see you again. As long as you are not being rude, there are many people who will be glad to negotiate on prices with you. There are other places that are also open to negotiations, like your TV provider, cell phone plan, real estate fees, any hotel, etc.

Again, do your homework to see what is “reasonable,” plan & jot down some notes, and practice. You might be surprised at how easy and (do I dare to say?) enjoyable it is!

Diversity, HR & Ramadan

On By Mona SabahIn cultural diversity, Diversity, Muslim, Testimony, Uncategorized

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As a Human Resources Professional and a former Muslim, I get many questions about how to handle the limitations of Ramadan for Muslim employees. When I was working full time and tried to fast during Ramadan, it was next to impossible for me. There were doughnuts at the morning meetings, lunch meetings catered by my favorite restaurants, more lunch meetings with clients and dinner mixers. You could also forget trying to pray five times a day in the middle of these and other obligations as a senior level manager! Today with the increased awareness of the Diversity that exists, Muslims are not as ready as I was to quietly go through the day to fast or pray. Ramadan can present a challenge especially for Human Resources and employees that is confusing. Those outside the Muslim faith don’t quite understand the issues or the flexibility in a religion that looks quite inflexible on the outside. Some try to compare this to the Lenten season, but not all Christians practice fasting for Lent and even then, many Catholics give up meat on one day. Christian fasting is also different as there is no set day. Christians can fast anytime, however they like. It is a discipline to draw them closer to God – not to fulfill any religious obligations. Furthermore, Christian fasts do not make up any meals. If you give up a meal, it is gone.

I describe Ramadan fasting as a flipping of day with night. Meals are not eaten during the day (no water or liquids either). However, at night, you can eat or drink to your heart’s content. We would get up before sunrise and eat a breakfast. You can then eat again after sunset. It’s the daylight hours that present the challenge. I have written other blog posts on this topic: Ramadan Demystified and the Christian’s Guide to Ramadan.

So… what is an employer to do?

Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employers from discriminating against individuals because of their religion (or lack of religious belief) in hiring, firing, or any other terms and conditions of employment. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) says:

“In addition, the Act  requires employers to reasonably accommodate the religious beliefs and practices of applicants and  employees,  unless  doing so would  cause more than a minimal burden on the operation of the employer’s business. A reasonable religious accommodation is any adjustment to the work environment that will allow the employee to practice his religion. Flexible scheduling, voluntary shift substitutions or swaps, job reassignments  lateral transfers, and exceptions to dress or grooming rules are examples of accommodating an employee’s religious beliefs.”

*”Undue Hardship” on Employer = costly, compromises safety, decreases efficiency, infringes on other employees’ rights or requires others to pick up their task of burdensome work.

*Undue hardship also may be shown if the request for an accommodation violates others’ job rights established through a collective bargaining agreement or seniority system.

*Prohibits religious harassment of employees, such as offensive remarks about a person’s religious beliefs or practices (hostile or offensive work environment) or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).

Of course, the EEOC guidelines are to be followed, but a good rule of thumb is to practice Diversity awareness and allow employees to openly have a conversation about what is Ramadan and why it is practiced – if they are willing. This way, it will not become a taboo topic where people are walking on eggshells or ignoring it. In addition, allowing a little flexibility in hours is not only kind but appreciated by all employees (granted in retail sales, call centers and manufacturing, that is more difficult to do).

The same kindness should also be shown to others who have differing religious beliefs- including Christians. I find now as a Christian, it is the flip side of the coin, where people are not willing to share their Christian faith for fear or repercussion – a man I know did not even feel he could put a cross in his office without being ridiculed.  Religious accommodations can be made, but decisions should be made with respect to overall productivity and efficiency of the organization. If all employees on the team are willing to pitch in, then it will become a win-win for everyone – especially if others want to take a religious day off for their practice in the future.

Open dialogue, questions to reach an understanding and a willingness to help — these are all hallmarks of organizations that are open to diversity and create a culture of learning.