Category: Family

Bring Easy Balance to LIFE & Work

On By Mona SabahIn Business, Communication, culture, Diversity, Family, Human Resources, Teaching, Training, Trust Leadership, Uncategorized

 

The Coca Cola Company published an article about what “Work/Life Balance” might mean today. There is a shifting trend going on with Millennials (those born between 1982 & 2004). The way work is viewed varies from generation to generation. With the advent of technology, those lines are blurred even more. Just last night, before going to bed, I had a meeting request from someone – there are no real set office hours anymore. People can send meeting requests, texts, e-mails when on vacation, on the weekends or in my case, at night before bed.

This is what gets the younger generation up in arms. If I am working at night on a project, or am logging on to do work-related  stuff, then why can’t I take an extra long lunch or come in a bit later in the morning (after all, I was working on your project)? When the traditionalists see office hours as 9:00 am to 5:00 pm, it’s a valid argument. Work is being done at different times of the day – so why shouldn’t there be flexibility during the 9 to 5 hours?

For those of us who have heard the term “Work/Life Balance” for at least a few decades now, still scratch our heads to see how it actually gets balanced out. For me, personally, it means making sure I am there when I need to be and everything in my personal life takes a back seat. That is NOT the case today. If there is flexibility in the time that you can do your work (and I am talking mainly of a desk job, with a computer that can be accessed from anywhere) then you should be able to do work at 3:00 am if you want to and take off from the office for a 3:00 pm Parent-Teacher conference.

PERCEPTIONS

Why is there such resistance to this flexible time notion? Doesn’t it mean that employees could possibly be working more if they are logging on at all hours of the day? According to the Coca Cola article, it’s about priorities and a seeming lack of respect. “I gotta leave” is the comment and there is no request “Hey, could I schedule an afternoon appointment with my child’s teacher or with my chiropractor or could I take a golf lesson?” Many of the Boomer generation did these things on their own time, especially the exercise or golf lesson part. To even think of doing something like that during the workday is unimaginable.

The bottom line is productivity. If Millennials are focused on the outcome of the project, they don’t care how many hours are spent on it – even if they are working into the night. In fact, many of the Millennials I have spoken to are more productive at night, actually preferring the peace and quiet instead of the morning hours when everyone is showing up to the office. The implication here is to take another look at how we view work.

WORK

We were made to work. In Genesis 2:15, God gave Adam a garden to work – even in a perfect setting, he was given something to do. After the Fall (Genesis 3:17-19), Adam was still going to work, except that it was going to require the sweat of his brow. WORK is not a dirty, four-letter word (okay, so it IS a four-letter word, but you know what I mean). It is something that gives both men and women a feeling of accomplishment and also for some, it is their identity. It is something that is a blessing on us that we are able to use the gifts to produce or make something.

If we look at work in this manner, it is appropriate to conclude that if the end-result is what’s desired, then the hours you spend upon it shouldn’t matter. I cannot tell you how many times at the workplace I have found people chatting it up in the break room, the smoke area outside or by the coffee machine. How many people linger on after meetings for 10-15 minutes, catching up on the weekend or the ball game? There is time being wasted at the office but no one seems to mind, as long as you show up. If someone is accessible and is working from home, then what’s the problem?

pink-work-is-supposed-to-sustain-your-life-not-replace-it-badge-1
image from Forbes.com – liz ryan

Social media also blurs the lines between work and personal life. Millennials have grown up with social media and are often the first to know details about a new hire. This gives insight to how they wish to work. It is next to impossible to block out your personal life and not bring it to work, especially if there are big things going on that impact your work. The idea to have a workplace that accepts the fact that you have a vibrant life outside of work, that you CAN bring your laptop to the coffee shop and work there as well as the office, to know that when there is an important meeting, you will be present – but when there isn’t a mandate to be at the office, you might go and do some volunteer work… all those might be the new way to see how the office day might be changing.

In addition, the modern work space has also changed. People don’t need large offices, or even desks. Many are choosing to share space where they plug in their computer and get to work. This is a generation that has grown up on the soccer fields and Starbucks. They are used to working in teams. They are okay with not having a corner office.

By taking a fresh look at the use of time during the weekday, we can actually invigorate the work day. The re-defined work day can actually go to after hours, into the night and even past midnight. Creativity and productivity don’t have to be limited to the office area and to the desk or cubicle. Instead of separating out our life from work, we can bring new approaches, fresh ideas and yes, life to work.

HospitaliTEA – Why Southern Hospitality is a Thing of the Past

On By Mona SabahIn cultural diversity, culture, Family, Jesus Christ, Uncategorized11 Comments

image

Some of my earliest memories are of celebrating Eid in Saudi Arabia. We would put on our best clothes, grab sweets and small presents and go from house to house, celebrating with friends. The same traditions continued when I moved to Pakistan and to the United Arab Emirates. People were always coming and going from our home. It was a very warm and welcoming place. My mother, an impeccable hostess, always had hot tea, delicious snacks and beautiful china ready to go in case someone happened to drop by.

When we moved to the United States, however, these visits were far less frequent. Many Pakistanis came to our home from our community, but we really did not receive invitations to dine at American people’s homes. This sentiment is echoed by others who are foreigners or even are people of other ethnicity who live here.

When I bring it up to people, many look at me wistfully and then tell me that stopping by a friend’s home for a cup of tea went away in the 1950’s. It is old-fashioned and just not done anymore – kind of like writing in cursive or sending a letter with a stamp on it.

Those who know me, know that I have a love of all things old. I love Victorian England and all the things that go with it. I like the fussiness of proper manners, correct grammar, and the idea of long dresses with rows of buttons. I like the slower pace of life and even the old European tradition of calling cards and paying calls on friends. If I mention this out in public today, people tell me to go to Wal Mart to get a calling card (as if I am getting ready to call international long distance) or paying calls (no one even knows what it means to pay a call, other than your phone bill at the end of the month).

At my family’s home, there is a long-standing tradition of tea time at 4:00 pm. I have mentioned this in my post about the concept of time in other cultures. This is something I have held onto all my life. Even today, my friends know that around 4:00 pm, there I will be sitting at my kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea. I also know that around the same time daily, I can find my parents doing the same thing across the United States. It’s a tradition and it is so soothing – like a cool oasis in the middle of the desert.

Even when I worked full time, I would stop what I was doing and make a quick cup of tea at 4:00 pm. My co-workers began to join me  in this tradition because nearly everyone experiences a mid-day slump around that time. It makes the rest of the day go by exceedingly fast.

A cup of hot tea has a wonderful soothing property to it. There is nothing like making a little pause in the middle of one’s day to STOP everything and just take a small breather to drink tea. It is a refined tradition and one I love to pass on to my friends. I have had the chance to make real friendships, make a connection and share my home with many. Some of these people I have known for a long time. Others may be people I have just met once or twice.

People are generally surprised at the offer of coming over to my home for a spot of tea. I am met usually with a smile of surprise. It is much more common to get together at Starbucks or somewhere else. Hospitality, along with a cup of tea has also gone by the wayside. When I ask women why that is the case, many tell me that they feel pressure to have their home “just right.” With three children, I find myself wondering when that day might come! I don’t think we have had our home looking “just right” since the day we moved in. If I waited around for that very day, I shudder to think of all the beautiful conversations, the tears of sorrow, the new friendships and renewing of old friends I would have missed out on.

In the Bible, there is mention of hospitality being a part of the new church in Acts. In fact, there is a passage that I think of often “And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts… ~Acts 2:46“ So many Christians close off their homes to others, citing one reason after another. Even though I have entertained many people in our home, an invitation in return to come to other people’s homes is still sparse. Is it an indication  of some who are uncomfortable to see our personal life and  living space – to not be able to “come as you are.”

When you come to my home, you will see my daughter’s toys around the fireplace in our living room. You will sometimes see a pile of freshly washed laundry being sorted. You will see my jewelry tools and beads scattered about on the kitchen island. It’s not perfect, but then neither am I. I see this as a sort of ministry (yes, to have a messy home – not dirty, but messy!). I have had women tell me that seeing my house as it is makes them want to invite someone over and not have that pressure to have it looking like a model home.

If we keep wearing masks, we miss out on endless opportunities. There is something freeing about “come as you are.” There is something authentic about people seeing your home with dishes in the sink. There is something genuine about reaching across the table and sharing a plate of cookies with a steaming cup of hot tea. The Bible teaches Christians to open their homes as a sacrificial way to love others. It is such a simple way  to promote UNITY in the Church and is a wonderful way to build relationships for Evangelism.

May we be like the early church share our home with others. May we have open hearts, open doors and open invitations to others. May we comfort others as God comforts us. Amen.

P.S. Yes, consider this as an open invitation to join me at my house for a cup of tea!

Pot Pies and Clogged Pipes

On By Mona SabahIn Family, Jesus Christ, Prayer, Uncategorized

My sweet mother-in-law is hosting all of us for Thanksgiving tomorrow. We got a harried phone call tonight that relayed to us that we may not have a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Well, we may have one, but it will be somewhat of a mess as the sink is not working after they put a pot pie in the drain. Not sure if the pot pie did it or if it may have been something more sinister. Bottom line was that it did not bode well and not much thanks was being given over the state of the impending family dinner.

During the call, it was evident that all sorts of things had already been tried. It was out of their hands and possibly into the hands of a plumber who may or may not show up.  When my mother-in-law asked towards the end of the call for us to pray, I felt that maybe we should go ahead and pray immediately. Some people may think that is ridiculous! That God has other more important things going on in the world than to contend with clogged pipes at the Earnest home, but I beg to differ. God is our Father and for pipe problems, I always went to my own dad. God is interested in the details of our lives. He Himself knows every hair on our head (Psalm 139). He says to bring all things to him.

My “Paul” was named Cindy. When I became a Christian, she helped me to understand our relationship with God and also how He cares about us as His children. We were at Hancock fabrics and I was to sew some curtains for her dining room. We had two lovely Waverly fabrics to choose from and neither of us could decide. So, she said “let’s pray.” Right there at Hancocks. Right in front of the fabric. She had already grabbed my hands and closed her eyes when I interrupted her with a laugh. “I don’t think God is going to drop everything and help us make a fabric decision! He has other things going on, like famine in Africa and peace in the Middle East.” Undeterred, she shined a benevolent smile on me and said “Mona, if you cannot trust God with the little things in your life, how will you trust Him with the big things?”

I am not often left speechless… I immediately bowed my head and we prayed fervently for the Elass family curtains. Turns out that He did help Cindy choose the most beautiful fabric. The curtains were perfect – just as the important lesson I learned about my perfect Father’s most perfect character. If we don’t trust Him in the little, we will not turn to Him in the big.

So tonight, I was reminded of the lesson I learned eight years ago at Hancocks and thus we prayed fervently for the sink. Right after my mother-in-law and I prayed, the plumber showed up. About an hour later, the sink was fixed and dinner is on again.

I thank God for all the things He  provides, including opportunities to daily strengthen our faith in Him as the loving Father who provides plumbers and curtains.

Lord, we thank you for the blessings you provide daily and for the people you place in our lives. We thank you for the blessings of today and those you will pour on us tomorrow. In all things, with prayer and thanksgiving, we turn to you. Amen.

Sitting in My Father’s Chair

On By Mona SabahIn Bible, Family, Jesus Christ, Muslim, my BOOK, Prayer, Revelation, Testimony, Uncategorized
Throne from Mughal period – Wikicommons

To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. ~Rev 3:21

 

When I was around 12 years old, my dad invited all of us to come and visit him in his new office in Rancho Cordova, CA. He had just received a major promotion with GTE and bragged to us about having his own executive assistant. None of this means much to a young child, but still, I was excited to see where my dad drove to daily. My mom, two sisters and I drove up to see my dad and his new office. I wasn’t too impressed until he came out to the lobby to meet us and began to show us around his office. Everyone knew him as “the Manager” & “head honcho” so I saw very quickly that he was an important man!

He led us all the way up to his office, which was located in a corner with two full walls of windows. He had an impressive mahogany desk and an equally impressive huge leather chair. Both were quite imposing and spoke to his status in the organization. My dad gleefully got in his chair and from behind his desk, looked at his three girls standing in his office. It was a bit daunting and awkward for me to picture my very own dad as someone really important… Who knew?

He must have sensed this in me because he looked right at me and patted his leg to come and sit in his lap. I didn’t need any further invitation. I quickly ran around his desk and jumped into his lap. He let me mess with the phone buttons, open and close drawers, etc. it was a neat feeling to be so close to a man so revered by others and so loved by me.

I am studying revelation in Bible Study Fellowship right now and in last week’s lesson, we covered the verse (on top) from Revelation 3:21. I am still pondering it after so many days. I knew the other verses in the  Bible that say we are co-heirs and that we may approach the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16) and things like that, but I did NOT know that Jesus actually invites us to sit with him on his throne!

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. ~ Hebrews 4:16

Can you even imagine that?

My first thought was “why?” Why would the Lord of the Universe invite me to sit on the throne from where he rules? Ridiculous! That doesn’t even sound right. In the Muslim mindset, God is way up there and you are not even fit to be around him. He is the Master and you are the servant. In fact, God is not present with you in Paradise. He rules above it. He wouldn’t demean himself and come hang out with the humans. Never.

Never… Unless you understand who Jesus is and what He has done for us. He is the one who came down to be with us, not us trying to reach God or the heavens. This is the thing you will not find in any religion. In fact, Jesus is not interested in religion but is completely interested in a relationship. He calls us to trust Him as the Good Shepherd who will lay his life down for his sheep. He is the widow who will turn her house upside down to find the lost coin. He is the merchant who will sell all he has to find the Pearl of great price. He is not interested in a checklist of rules, but is more interested in the condition of your heart.

He is the loving Father who calls us “little ones” and tells us to bring our burdens to him. He is the sweet and loving Father who will one day pat his lap and tell you to come and sit with Him, the King of Kings and Lord of lords, on His throne. Not as a slave or servant, but as His beloved child, created in His image. There, He will wipe away every tear from your eyes.

What a beautiful picture of love and redemption. What a beautiful Savior. Amen.

Unity out of Diversity

On By Mona SabahIn Family, Human Resources, Management, Public Speaking, Teaching, Testimony, Training

 

I have taught at several universities in California and Oklahoma over the last 18 years. Many times, I teach Cultural Diversity. Of course, there are trends, like women in the workplace or hot topics like the SONY Executive e-mails that made racist comments, but still, we continue to tackle the same issues over and over.

Many people don’t know that the term ” University” means  “Unity out of Diversity.” (Uni= one Versity= groupings). Diversity has the similar word base, but in this case, the “Di” stands for division or separation. So in technical terms, diversity is actually about looking at groups separately. It’s good to start with word origins because we get confused sometimes when discussing terms that have an emotional charge associated with them.  When you look at how the dictionary defines Diversity, you end up with more of a normative definition – how we have changed the term to represent it for our culture and needs today.

Diversity: the quality or state of having many different forms, types, ideas, etc.

: the state of having people who are different races or who have different cultures in a group or organization

When I work with businesses on developing a Diversity program or initiative, there’s almost a panic – what if we aren’t doing this right or worse, what if we leave something out? I guess I come from a totally different (dare I say “diverse?”) point of view. Having been raised in six countries gives me some insight to the United States. In Saudi Arabia and the Middle East, you mainly see one type of people – Arabs. Now, granted, there are ex-pat communities, but they tend to live separately and not really join the mainstream public. In Pakistan, it’s homogeneous – everyone looked the same. The only other group I saw was the Chinese and even then it was because they owned the Chinese restaurant we were dining at.

So, coming to the United States was a it of a culture shock (to say the least). There were different people everywhere. It didn’t help that we came to New York City first. Talk about diverse! Moving to California was no different – lots of people from all different backgrounds. In fact, it was very easy for us to find a tight knit Muslim community and settle in nicely. There were many here that spoke the language as well, so it was a small piece of home.

I think as Americans, we don’t stop to admire what this country offers us – a vast variety of groups that don’t have to give up their unique identity, but are able to function as a whole, My family and I never felt any pressure to be Americanized or to take on something we were not comfortable with. Now, that doesn’t mean that we didn’t face discrimination. Moving to the US was the first time I felt discriminated against, but it wasn’t for what you might think. I was in the fifth grade and no one would play with me. No one. When I finally got the courage up after almost two months of having no friends, to ask a girl who seemed remotely kind (=she didn’t say “eew, get away”) , she acted like she didn’t want to tell me. I then started crying and said that I had no friends. She was embarrassed, but was kind enough to tell me it was because I smelled bad. She even told me that maybe I should wear deodorant. When you cook with curry at home, you have to put the spices into hot oil so they develop their flavor. With long hair, that absorbs the aromas and some oil along with it, I am sure I smelled like what we cooked – and still do at times, but take a shower and wear some good deodorant now!

Trying to teach diversity from an immigrant’s eyes has a value. I think that I bring a little appreciation for what we have in the United States. In fact, on our money, it says “E Pluribus Unum”- out of many, one. I believe that is the strongest way to address diversity and the importance Americans place on the value of differing opinions, backgrounds and cultures.