According to Wikipedia and also the Merriam Webster dictionary, the word Negotiation comes to us from the Latin “Neg” = no (or negative) and “otsia” which means “leisure” or “free time.” The meaning was that businessmen had no free time for nonsense. I speak Spanish fluently and know that “negocio” is the Spanish term for “business!” So that is what the old world verbiage for denoting a businessman or woman.

I think it’s important to know where words come from and I spend a lot of time figuring out word origins – maybe it’s because English was actually the 3rd language I learned! 🙂

When you think of the term “Negotiation” in light of the definition, it shouldn’t seem too scary. YET, many business colleges and also Inc magazine, Forbes magazine and Harvard Business say that negotiations is one of the key skills many college students are missing and are fearful of.

So why is that?

The answer may be found in another word “Fear.”

Fear can come from many different places. For the women I have spoken to over the past, their fear simply lies in the lack of perception or abilities. They were never taught how to handle business without letting emotions get in the way. For me, that was NEVER the case! 🙂 Easterners learn that if you don’t haggle over every single thing in your life, you haven’t done your work. It’s not personal… in fact, it’s a big game to see who wins the most.

My dad taught me how to haggle at the markets when I was a young girl growing up in the Middle East. Haggling by men and by women is simply an expectation. If you pay full price for something, they look at you weird because you are not playing the game with them. When I moved to the United States, I was surprised to find out that some people have never haggled over the price of their automobile, their home, at garage sales or flea markets! 

My friends started taking me with them so that I could help train them the way I had been trained. Haggling is not rude. Haggling involves not being emotionally connected to whatever it is you were buying. So, how does that principle apply to the workplace?

There are many missed opportunities for negotiations. Not just in determining your salary but also your job opportunities. There are opportunities for negotiations in conflict resolution and also peace-making. There are Diplomats who work for Foreign Affairs who do this for a living! It takes some preparation (yes, you have to do your homework) and also knowledge of what you want (=goal) and what the other person may want (= realistic outcome). ASKING for what you want is 50% of the battle! Once you get that out there, it actually doesn’t take much more to get to the outcome. However, a part of the realistic outcome is being able to accept the answer “NO.”

What are some fears we need to address?

First is the Fear of Rejection – What if they don’t like me? What if they say NO?

If they say no, it’s not the end of the world. I tell my kids that the answer is already no, so if you ask, you have more of an opportunity to hear a yes! It’s the glass half-full vs half-empty. If you don’t even ask, there is zero opportunity to find out if you can or cannot do something or have something. When I worked at Campbell Soup, I was miserable in my entry level position (I had been there for a year and did not care for the redundant job). When a supervisor position opened up, I jumped at the opportunity to apply. I didn’t even get an interview for this internal position! I asked the head of HR what happened and they told me I didn’t qualify. So, I asked what I needed to do to qualify. He sent me to get some supervisory skills training, which I got done quickly. Another position came up. This time, I applied and got an interview, but did not get the position. I went to the hiring manager of the department and told him that I had applied for a position twice now and was obviously not qualified. I asked him what I needed to do and then I spent another 6 months gaining those skills. Guess what? The next time the position opened, I applied and got it. Then the next, then the next. The manager told me that none of the others who had been turned down asked him how to improve themselves or what they wanted.

You will get rejected. Get over it. It’s not the end of the world.

The second big fear is getting emotional (or anxious, or insecure, or afraid).

When you think of negotiations as business, it should take the scare factor out. Much of anxiety or insecurity comes from a lack of preparation. When negotiating salary, there needs to be research done. Present the facts. There shouldn’t be an emotional appeal or need to get upset or even angry at the other person. Dealing in business is about money and money is math. If you can present the facts in terms of numbers, you can negotiate anything – from garage sales to your salary!

Think about it. The bottom line in negotiations is win-win. The other person should have some stake in it as well. It’s not about steam-rolling the other person down with your skills – I don’t like negotiations like that. They should be respectful but firm. You need to clearly state your case. What is it you want and why? What’s in it for the other person? By the way, you are not the first (or last) person who will ask for these things. If the initial answer is no, try again. Try to ask questions as to what are they looking for?

Another recommendation is to practice negotiations. You can do a role play with a friend (if it is something you want to buy, like a car), or better yet, real life situations like garage sales. These people don’t know you. Chances are they will never see you again. As long as you are not being rude, there are many people who will be glad to negotiate on prices with you. There are other places that are also open to negotiations, like your TV provider, cell phone plan, real estate fees, any hotel, etc.

Again, do your homework to see what is “reasonable,” plan & jot down some notes, and practice. You might be surprised at how easy and (do I dare to say?) enjoyable it is!