Category: Public Speaking

How Can One Have “Careless” Trust?

On By Mona SabahIn Human Resources, Jesus Christ, Management, Mentor, Public Speaking, Training, Trust Leadership

Yesterday, I was doing training for a private company on the merits of Mentoring in the workplace. It seemed like every conversation led back to building trust. If you cannot trust your employer or co-workers, you will not have a productive workplace. In fact, it would be quite dysfunctional. In a study done by the founders of Airbnb (an online Craigslist type of site for renting out your home to complete strangers who are traveling), they found that in 1972, 46% of people said that others were generally trustworthy. Today, that number is down to 32%, resulting in a lower trust of everyone – from identity theft, to fraud, to organizational ethical situations like Enron and Sony Executive emails.

There’s no doubt then that employees don’t want to share personal information with others and make deeper connections. But that’s where things get lost. We complain about how management doesn’t understand my needs or lament about lack of communication. The complaining doesn’t stop there either. It trickles down into a lack of trust for your spouse or family relationships. Let’s face it: there is a strong correlation between personal growth and trust.

I love Focus on the Family’s article on building trust in a marriage. I think those rules also apply to the workplace. They said that the Hebrew word Batach (baw-takh’) means TRUST. Not just that, but it has more meanings: bold, careless, confident, secure. You can see the application in Psalm 91:2

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

When the psalmist uses Trust here, he is speaking of being careless. This is literally without a care! When was the last time you were without a care or worry? Seems incredible, but that is what true trust means- when we can be at peace in our relationship and not worry that someone is going to talk behind our back or break a confidence at work. When we can trust our spouse to go on a business trip and not worry about them breaking  their vow of marriage, when we can trust that our children are really where they say they are with their friends.

I believe there is a formula for building trust. I call it “The Three C’s.”

Credibility

Confidentiality

Consistency

Credibility – speak the TRUTH. Some take this to mean blurt out what you are really thinking. Please don’t do that. We are called to speak the truth in LOVE (Eph 4:15).

Confidentiality-Keep your mouth shut. So difficult and tempting to share, but that sharing that seems harmless can turn into vicious gossip in about 20 minutes… And then come back around the office to bite you in the behind

Consistency – I had a boss once who was all over the place. She was sweet one day and sour the next. She would lavishly praise your talent and then tear you up for the same thing. It was stressful to be around her. You never knew what you were going to get from one day to the next. Being consistent means being fair. Give benefit of the doubt. Allow your relationship to flourish by building and encouraging, even while giving constructive criticism.

These are not easy to do, but then anything that’s worthwhile takes time. When you start trying to raise your awareness and practice trusting others, while building trust, you will find that you will become careless… In a good way!

Leap of Faith

On By Mona SabahIn Human Resources, Jesus Christ, Management, Public Speaking, Teaching, Training

 

It’s not easy to be this person above in the picture who is suspended in mid-air, wondering if they’re going to make it to the other side or if the other side is even more unstable than the one he just left. YET, there’s something compelling about it. Maybe it’s the fact that they did decide to jump in the first place. Then, the reason behind it comes to mind… why did they do it?

We all have had tough choices to make in life. Should I? Shouldn’t I? In fact, today was one of those decision days. Nothing seemed stable for me today. My mind was in a whirl. When those days come, I almost go into a “cocoon mode,” where I want to turn in on myself and not even deal with what is going on around me. Those decisions can just wait, I tell myself. I am not ready to come to make a choice.

In organizations and business, this is the same practice. Business needs change on a daily basis. You might be reading this blog on your iPad or iPhone. The operating system on that device may have recently changed or even the latest version may have come out. Change is inevitable in any situation – work, home, school, life. HOW one deals with these situations is what makes a difference.

Taking a leap of faith is not just a religious term but is something we do on a daily basis. When I googled “Leap of Faith,” the term came up as something the philosopher Kierkegaard came up with. In fact the way he addressed the topic was almost as a leap from one thing to another.  The bottom line for a Christian, however, is what would you leap towards? If it indeed is Faith, what is that Faith placed in? Is it your paycheck? Is it gaining an education? Is it Christ? I am not asking questions in a rhetorical manner. In fact, I will be very honest here. My faith and leap goes to money first, even though on my money it says blatantly “In God We Trust.” Not so much sometimes! I have to pray every morning that my decisions are not based on my desires (for me,  money translates to security – albeit FALSE security), but instead are based upon what God wants me to pursue for His glory. It’s a daily struggle.

When I do happen to take that leap of faith into Christ’s will, however, I find that He always had a better plan in mind for me than what my limited mind could concoct. His plans usually impact others in a better way as well. So when you are faced with decisions to make or changes to contemplate in your life, I pray that you will STOP.

Stop running through scenarios – especially negative ones.

Take a deep breath.

Obedience to God shows our love for Him (1 John 5:2-3)

Pray for God to lead you and for Him to grant you the courage to put the worldly cares aside and seek only His kingdom first.

When you do that, you will find that the peace that passes all understanding will wash over you.

~For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. ~ Isaiah 55:8

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.~ Philippians 4:6-7

Take my Time

On By Mona SabahIn Human Resources, Jesus Christ, Management, Public Speaking, Teaching, Testimony, Uncategorized

 

I had the opportunity to teach Cultural Intelligence to a group of employees in Oklahoma City last week. The course focuses not just on Diversity in the workplace but on how to actually increase your intelligence level (like IQ) about Cultures. It’s an interesting concept and books have been written on the topic to show how you can actually measure this.

There are many differences between the Eastern and Western cultures, including perceptions of beauty, values, ethics, family and of course, language. One aspect that some don’t think about is TIME. One trip to my parents’ home and you will see the difference between the West and East. On the weekend, we are not ruled by the clock and never really were. We woke up when we did (usually around 9-ish or 10), rolled into the kitchen to make a pot of tea and no one ate until they had a cup of tea. Breakfast preparations began around 10 and we ate somewhere around 10:30 or 11. Lunch maybe happened or didn’t happen. If we had lunch, it was later in the afternoon. Dinner was yet entirely another story and almost a 2-3 hour event on its own.

When my poor American husband first came to my parents’ home, he woke up at his usual time of about 6:00 am. Why? I still don’t know why, other than he is an early riser by habit. He twiddled his thumbs until about 8:00, when he couldn’t stand it anymore and woke me up because he was starving. He decided to go and grab something to eat by himself and then he had to wait another 2 hours before anyone else got up. He was not too happy to have to sit and wait.

Breakfast, when it finally was served, was delicious but then he had the same experience trying to figure out if we were all having lunch or not. He decided to get in the car and go grab a bite to eat, since it looked like no one was interested. It was a good thing he did that, since dinner didn’t show up until almost 8:00 pm.  Dinner preparations can also take hours at times. It just depends on what’s cooking, but many Pakistani dishes need to simmer on a low heat for hours. My dad laughingly told us once that it was this way because the village women could “look busy” cooking but sit around chatting away most of the day.

Even on the weekends, things are not always this relaxed in the West. Most families have things scheduled out to the hour even on a Sunday. It was tough getting used to that pace of life when we moved here as immigrants. In addition, people here talk about time as a commodity – “It was a waste of my time” or “What’s my time worth to you?” Time definitely has a cost associated with it, especially in terms of the workplace. There is a phenomenon that the Wall Street Journal addressed a few years ago called “Time Theft.” Yes, that’s right. You can actually steal your employer’s time by fiddling with texts, phone or internet.

It’s interesting then as a Christian to go to the Bible and see what it has to say on the subject of time, for God operates beyond time and space as we know it. 2 Peter 3:8 says “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” It’s so difficult to comprehend what this is like when we cannot see past the end of the day, the week or even the month. To think of things in terms of eternity is even more unfathomable. The Psalmist writes “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere…” Psalm 84:10 When I think of this, it’s still hard to put it in perspective but when you ponder the fact that all things are created by God and for God, then even your own time comes into it.

How difficult it is to set aside one hour for someone? What about giving up half a day or a whole day to help someone else? Even though I was raised with an Eastern mentality about time, I lived in the West. I realized a few years ago that time ruled my day. I was running from appointment to appointment and the weekend didn’t change that for me. It wasn’t until I realized that all things belong to God and the thing we hold onto most dearly is what would be the most sacrificial offering. So every morning, I started praying something very scary… “Lord, my day is yours and my time is yours. Help me to glorify you in all I do today.”

Guess what?

He did. He took my time and showed me things that I wouldn’t have normally stopped to see. He showed me opportunities to slow down and speak with people I would have normally passed by. He opened up my heart to those who may have needed a kind word, smile or even help during each day. I don’t want to tell you that this was awesome because at first, it wasn’t. It was ANNOYING. I ended up having to re-plan my day or stay later after training to speak to someone or even pray with someone who was hurting. After just a little while of giving up my time to the Lord, I realized that I was blessed. I was blessed because I was being obedient to His will and to the things that mattered in terms of eternity with Him.

It’s scary, but it’s a different adventure each day with Christ.

So we can pray (words from a Jeremy Camp song):

Take my life take my mind
Take my soul take my will
I am yours now, and I give it all to you.

… that means your time as well.

Being a SERVANT

On By Mona SabahIn Human Resources, Jesus Christ, Management, my BOOK, Public Speaking, Teaching, Testimony

 

This week, in one of the Management courses I am teaching, we are discussing Servant Leadership. Servant Leadership is an interesting concept that truly takes what the world sees as a leader and turns it backwards.  The topic has my mind reminiscing.

When we lived in Pakistan, we had many servants. In fact, our large home had servant’s quarters in the back. These were rooms with a connecting bathroom that they could share. There was a bed and their own belongings. The servants could live there so they didn’t have to pay to commute (cars were hard to come by for poor people) and basically it was free room and board. Since I grew up with this, I didn’t think much of it. It was the norm.

One of the rooms was given to my beloved nanny, Abbai. She didn’t really stay there, as she was our nanny. She usually slept in our home and in our rooms. She did keep one old-fashioned lock trunk with her few possessions in that little servant’s room. The other room was generally occupied by our cook who had to get up early to make meals and stay late to clean up. I never really paid much attention to our cook either, unless I wanted a treat to eat.

The term “Servant” is not really a good one for most of the world. It means one who is subservient and caters to another’s beck and call. My parents did not encourage us to talk to the house servants – we didn’t know them personally and you just didn’t do that. The only exception was our nanny who was with us continuously and was considered to be a part of our family. So she was above the other servants due to her close relationship with the family. I thought of her as my grandmother for many years.

Anyone who has seen the BBC hit series “Downton Abbey” knows that even within the servants, there is a hierarchy. Our “chokeedar” or janitor was probably at the bottom, while my nanny, cook, and inside servants had the higher ranks. I didn’t know much about that either, other than seeing my nanny ordering the gardener or chauffeur to do a few things for her. I do recall, however, my mother presiding over the household matters with an air of authority. She was always quiet, never yelling but her gentle manner in which she carried herself spoke of her rank as lady of the house (mem sahib). She would line up the servants and give them their orders, especially when we were hosting a party or having guests… which was often.

ALL of this changed when we moved to the United States with only our 6 suitcases. My father, an electrical engineer, received multiple offers in the US that would set our family up for success financially – even more than what we had in Pakistan. When we moved here, it was a rude awakening for all of us, as there were no servants. Not even our nanny was allowed to come with us (a fact that still brings me to tears as a grown woman). We had to make our own meals, do the wash, clean, garden, and do all things that normal American families do (only we weren’t normal Americans!).

One day, my mother decided to host a party for some of the people we got to know from the Pakistani community. As we set about cooking, early in the morning, we were so excited. It had been a while since we had hosted a party. Little did we know that the party would not be for us. Instead, we were told not to eat until the guests had eaten (to ensure there was enough hot food on the table) and then to quickly eat so we could do the myriad of dishes (my mother only used china for entertaining) by hand. We were up until past midnight with the pile of dishes, desert dishes, tea cups, pots and pans from the day’s worth of cooking. As my parents had always pampered us as their beloved daughters, I did not want to now take on the role as a servant.

The next time there was a party, we were less excited and more wary – was it going to be the same thing again? If so, this was terrible! I began to detest my mother’s entertaining because it meant we had to fill in the serving role. We ate last, we worked and yes, we served the guests’ every need. This was a sore subject with me even until adulthood. I thought that I would not treat my own children as such! What an insult to use them as your makeshift servants… or so I thought at that time.

It was not until I met Christ Jesus that I understood why I had been placed in that role. It was a blessing and a gift that my mother gave me. I didn’t know that our Lord and Savior came to this earth not to rule with an iron fist, but to serve as the lowliest, most humble servant. In John 13, Jesus himself washes the disciples’ feet. To take off your clothes, be in your underclothes, is a sign of humility. To wash someone’s dirty feet, you have to have them sit or be raised higher than you and then you have to touch those feet with your hands and clean them. This was the job of the lowliest servant in the Eastern home. In Arabia, where there is dust and sand everywhere, there are servants to wash people’s feet. It’s disgusting, it’s grimy and it’s what the Lord of the Lords decided to take upon himself to do for his disciples.

When I read about what Jesus says “But many who are first will be last, and the last first” in both Matthew 19:30 and then again in Matthew 20:16, it made me scratch my head. It’s completely upside down from what the world says a leader is. We should be first in line. We should insist on our rights first. No, you shouldn’t let someone go ahead of you – you are much more important than that!

Jesus challenged his disciples to think differently. What if you started putting other people first? What would that look like to you? It could be something simple as allowing someone at the grocery store to go ahead of you. It could be something more difficult like allowing your spouse to have the final say on something you are passionate about. Or, it could be at work to let your employees know that I am here to serve you.

I am so thankful that the Lord taught me these lessons through my parents to serve others first and then serve yourself. I am thankful that I was taught to do the dishes and quit my complaining. These are the things that we now teach our children.

Can you imagine what that would do to the home, the workplace and to the world? Maybe people won’t notice… at first. I guarantee you that after consistently sending that message across with your actions, people WILL begin to notice and more importantly, you will begin to notice a change in your own heart.

Lord Jesus, may you increase and may I decrease. Amen.